Thursday
Jul192012

these days

They move slowly when you're in them but then you realise that they've gone - and so fast. I'm taking deeper breaths and letting things drop. 'Standards' as my grandmother would have called them. Obligations. Expectations. I'm not someone that all this comes naturally to. In fact, my husband would laugh to think that any of these have been dropped. I expect a lot from myself; from everyone. But when it comes to Joel I'm able to just let it go. Sometimes I feel so much more myself when laughing with him as I make myself ridiculous, or listening without offering solutions as he talks about how difficult he finds it when the girls in his class say they love him. The side of my self that I like most is the one that takes life lightly and it's the one that having a son draws out. Perhaps a child, I don't know. But my son is all I know and I know that I like myself better for being his mother. Not all the time by any means but that's for another time. 

This time is about swimming outdoors and playing tennis and table football and drawing and playing with Lego and being silly. Hugging. Which is heaven for me, except for that point in the middle of the day when I need to draw breath and draw myself into my self for a little. So he goes up to his room with his books and I do - whatever I need. I need a lot of things but with him in my life it makes it easier. 

 

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Reader Comments (12)

You two seem to have a beautiful easy understanding of one another. And on a more frivolous note...he's such a handsome cool t-shirt wearing little guy.
July 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDenise | Chez Danisse
it seems that the capacity to drop standards, when it has become, or always has been, a part of your way with things, seems to me one of those small remarkable things.
July 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
"I expect a lot from myself; from everyone". Me too, as does my own mother. But somehow, she finds a way to let me off the hook, every once in a while. Which is what mothers do, that's how they love - totally, flaws and all.
July 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHila
As a mother to girls (both now grown) my experience of boys didn't come till my grandson arrived 6 years ago. To say adoration would be a complete understatement of his effect on me, he entrances me, more so because he lived with us for the first 18 months of his life so we are very close. Now as he starts to find his way in the outside world (the world of school and friends and things that are out of his parents control). I watch. Sometimes you just have to sit back and sometimes you have to act. I think the inclination to overprotect is strong in todays world but it is a fine line we all tread, above all love is showing them the right way and then letting them make their own choices (and mistakes). I hope you are having a lovely time with your son these holidays.
July 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLyn Stewart
The time does indeed fly. You are a wise woman to cherish these little moments with your son while you still have him safe and sound in your home. And wise to take moments for yourself, as well.
Best wishes to you and your little family.
July 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth
What a beautiful boy you have Kate. I'm afraid my eldest girl is the same age as your son and may be one of those affection types that can be so difficult to fathom. It does make me smile to hear my girl trying to second guess certain boys in her class ... it all begins so much earlier than I imagined. And the mystery doesn't really go away. : )
July 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlisa
Hi Kate. So lovely to have finally found my way here! I'll really enjoy some time this evening quietly reading through. This is a great post to start with. As my 5.5yr old was exhausted at the end of term, I felt drained and exhausted. Now we're having the quiet, relaxed time together I feel like I really see her again. Not just in those little gaps at either end of the school day, when she's not at her best and probably nor am I. It's great, isn't it. At about 4pm I tend to need some time to gather myself - as you described - I like & need some silence and peace each day. No more questions for just a while! Am off to read through your blog now and really looking forward to it. xx e
July 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelvis
Hello everyone. I'm sorry not to have replied to all your lovely comments earlier but a glitch on the site didn't allow me to post anything....

Denise, the ease we have with each other is what I hope will see us through whatever difficult times come in the year ahead. And he does have a bit of a dude aspect to his choice of clothes and colours and anything drum is a given...

Monica, a necessary dropping of the standards is a small but important thing for me (struggling with it today!) Thanks for recognising it.

Hila, letting you off the hook now and then - that's exactly what I try to do. Just let some things go; love all the time. Your mother seems to have served you well....

Lyn, I'm delighted to hear the joy you obviously take in your grandson. You're so right about the fine line between over-protection (because we love) and the need to let them make mistakes; to fail. And to love them and take the tough decisions and not seek always to be a friend. It's a hard one. Necessary but difficult.

Beth, thank you. I'm aware that next summer holiday he'll be different again. I'm trying to make the most of these days. Oh they go so fast!

Alisa, hello! It really does begin earlier than I'd fondly imagined (though I do remember kiss chase and having a favourite boy around this age!). Joel loves playing with the girls in his class though is touchy and bemused by 'the love thing'. I'd love to hear the conversations between you and your daughter. Having a boy - even though he's a sensitive one interested in other people - must necessarily be different from relating to a girl. But it's such a great age isn't it?

Great to hear from you Elvis! I so recognise that feeling you describe of getting the worst of each other during term-time. My dread is that next term's hours get so much longer it will be worse. We'll tackle it as it comes I guess. Oh that quiet space in the day with no questions! Sanity demands it for sure. I wonder how the holiday time fits with your beautiful work? Perhaps, like me, you set all aside for a little while.
August 1, 2012 | Registered Commenterlittle house
I love the way you write about motherhood. It warms my heart to read about your boy and your relationship to and with him.
August 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna
Anna! hello. thank you - it means a lot to hear that. I'll track you down and be in touch; so much harder to keep up with your news since my latest disappearance from fb! hope your crafty arty times and beautiful home are making you happy x
August 11, 2012 | Registered Commenterlittle house
Hello, my dear! It's been busy and now work has started up again (phoooo!) -- I hope you're having a great end-of-summer :)

XOXO
September 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna
Dear Kate,

I miss your writing.

Denise
November 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDenise | Chez Danisse

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